Skripsweet 2: Berjalan bahkan Berlari di Tempat

Sekarang sudah bulan Maret! 13 Maret 2012 pukul 8.26 WIB!

Apa kabar skripsi saya?

Masih saja berada di angka satu dan bergeming. Tak bergeser. Bukan berarti saya tidak mengerjakan apapun! Saya sudah berusaha membuat agar daya saya bergerak hingga membuat momen inersia yang terus menggelinding.

Sayangnya, sekuat apapun saya bergerak ternyata saya hanya berlari berputar bahkan berlari di tempat. Saya tidak membuat kecepatan tetapi kelajuan (ingat fisika kelas XI SMA).

Hampir setiap hari saya buka jurnal dan saya baca berlembar-lembar. Setiap hari saya menekuri setiap milimeter draf skripsi saya. Tapi, entah.. Saya gamang. Saya tak yakin. Saya gelisah!!!

Akhirnya, satu-satunya yang bisa saya lakukan adalah curhat di lembar maya ini. Paling tidak rasa sesal dan kesal terhadap ketidakmampuan saya ini tidak terepresi dan membuat sebentuk trauma dalam unconsiousnes saya.

Kalau sudah keterlaluan gelisah saya, hanya coping emosi yang mampu saya lakukan. Baca novel, buku pengembangan diri, nonton drama, nonton film.. Kebanyakan. Kecanduan lah saya. Sepertinya denial saya terlalu kuat menguasai diri saya.

Beberapa kali saya tercenung. Target saya lulus dan wisuda di bulan Juli seperti candaan kosong terlebih beberapa teman semakin menggoyahkan keyakinan dan menguatkan pesimisme saya. Kemudian, godaan untuk menurunkan target lulus dan meruntuhkan ikat pinggang yang saya tarik kuat, semuanya mengendorr..

Luruh satu-satu..

What value left is there

in this world I live in?

I start thinking its all meaningless

or maybe I’m just tired?

 

In exchange for something I got

I gave up a number of precious things

but it’s not such a peaceful world

that I can lament each and every one.

 

What kind of dreams should I envision?

What kind of hopes should I take with me as I go forward?

These seemingly impossible to answer questions

Get buried in my day to day life.

 

If you were here I wonder what you would say?

you’d probably say I was being “gloomy” and have a laugh.

I just wish i could see your gentle smile to blow away my melancholy.

 

even if it’s a light like fireworks

that can never be caught

one more time, one more time,

one more time, one more time

I want to reach out for it.

 

We all carry sadness with us

but we hope for a better tomorrow

I wonder to what extent we can love a world

gripped by fear, thrown into unrest?

 

I get choked up on the words ’cause I think too much

I hate how clumsy I am

Yet oddly enough, I hate more how skillfully I can pretend.

 

Whether we spend the years laughing or crying

time passes the same for all

the future is calling to us

are you, now, hearing it too?

 

Even though we knew from the start

that we’d eventually have to say goodbye

one more time, one more time,

one more time, one more time

and as many times as I can I hope to see you again.

 

I never imagined that simply meeting you

could make the world seem so beautiful

would you laugh at me for being simple minded?

I want to say “thank you” to you from my heart.

 

I wish my heart flowed fast and smooth like water

so that it would not settle in one place.

 

For all those times when I need to see you

for those times when I’ll miss you so

one more time, one more time,

one more time, one more time

I want to burn your memory deep in me.

 

We all have our problems

but we hope for a better tomorrow

I wonder to what extent we can love a world

gripped by fear, thrown into unrest?

one more time, one more time,

one more time, one more time…

(Hanabi - Mr Children)

Semua orang berkata bahwa mimpimu itu mustahil karena hal itu sulit dan mereka tidak melakukannya. Kalau mimpimu itu mudah, sudah sedari dulu mereka mencapai puncak itu..

Bukankah semuanya butuh perjuangan dan pengorbanan yang diatas rata-rata? *self-talk

Saya pasti tetap bangkit!